Friday, November 20 - Almost Home

I am sitting in the Charlotte airport, listening to Fan Death, and people watching. I have been given some awesome people watching opportunities lately. I had some interesting characters on my flights from Lynchburg, then last night Allison and I went to the midnight premiere of New Moon, because we are huge nerds. Of course there were some odd people out and about at that. Girls in PJ pants and Edward shirts. There were a hilarious amount of couples there. I feel bad for each one of those boyfriends. Stuck in a theater that is 75% squealing girls. I am glad I am not one of them, and I laugh at those who are. The first time Edward appeared on screen, in this awfully horrible slow motion, windy walk, there were a bunch of girls that did literally squeal with delight. I dont understand. I think this says something positive about my character, though.

Although right before Bella jumped off the cliff the reel broke, and apparently it broke in all 10 theaters. It was a min-mayhem moment. The old woman next to me turned to me and asked if I wanted to help her start a riot. I really wish I was making this up. She was dead serious. When she sat down she said to Alison and I "I can't wait to see Jacob's shift changing!" I think I will classify that moment as a "Life Fail" for that woman.

Yesterday at lunch Sarah, Elizabeth and I played MASH. I have not played in so long. I had a pretty positive outcome. I will be marrying Matthew Barney, working as a stripper, living in Brooklyn with 4 kids, driving a Hummer, making $100,000 a year and I will have my honey moon in Afghanistan.

Errrr.... Looking back on that, that is actually quite horrible. The only good thing is the marrying Matthew Barney part. My minor obsession with him has somehow become more public recently, and I am not sure how this happened. Last Saturday I was with Allison, Blair, Shep and Britt and at one point we were discussing what Blair would name her future children, and she said, "Kate I know you will have a little Matthew Barney Jr." And then Ashley said the same thing:




Allison and I attempted to make a list of the songs we would listen to if we could only listen to 10 for the rest of our lives. I have shared this with a few people, and so far everyone has been shocked to see this one on the list. I don't know why I like it myself, when I really don't listen to too much rap and whatnot, but it sneaks onto every playlist I ever make.




Boarding my flight soon. My mom is going to pick me up at the airport, then off to Town Centre for dinner where I will creep into the Apple store to see Rob. I think either Corbett or Colton is going to come over tonight. I'm hoping Corbett simply because I don't want Colton to ride his bike from Riverside to Ortega. He is even more of a bum lately.

The man sitting across from me keeps starting at me... Errr...

I am playing FishVille in the Charlotte airport. I am ashamed.

Friday, November 20 - Stuff White People Like

I have read with Stuff White People Like post multiple times, and every time I read it I can't help but crack up. It is oh so very true. Ashley and I both relate to this one a little too well. Stuff White People Like makes me feel like a very predictable person.

"Keeping up with art is hard; trips to galleries, enormous books, and costly bi-annual magazines are just a few of the many expenses you will incur during the process of attempting to stay current with art. While the challenge and difficult of this proposition would seem to actually attract more white people than dissuade them, the amount of work required to become and remain an expert on art is simply too much for the majority of white people.

Of course there are exceptions such as the people who have invested both their money and their lives into the appreciation of art: people with Art History Degrees. But as you have probably noticed, they have very little value to both you and society. The latter is evidenced by their annual salary while the former is to be determined on a person by person basis.

Currently, the artist who is both cutting edge and easy to keep up with is Banksy, and white people love him. He is anonymous, British, easy to understand, and he works in the medium of graffiti! This last bit is very important since all white people consider graffiti to be art when it looks like something other than a bunch of squiggles. In every other instance, they consider it vandalism.

As with any conversation involving white people and taste you should be forewarned that you are walking into a potential minefield. However, art does not work the same way as Indie Music when it comes to the need to like the obscure.

Here’s how it works: if you say your favorite artist is Vincent Van Gogh, MC Escher or Monet, you will appear as though your taste in art is derived entirely from college posters. This is unacceptable. Conversely, if you list Jeff Koons, Laurie Anderson, Damien Hirst or Basquiat, you’ll look like you are trying too hard but don’t really know what you are talking about. Chances are that white people will assume your art education consists entirely of documentaries, bio pics, and looking up references from Gossip Girl on Wikipedia.

Finally, if you list your favorite artist as a current, bleeding edge visionary who white people have not heard of, they will immediately recognize you as a threat and dislike you. It is also a certainty that they will call you pretentious behind your back.

Needless to say, it’s complicated. But Banksy is just right. He’s just edgy enough to be outside of the mainstream, but popular enough to be available in coffee table book form at Urban Outfitters. Though if you spot this book on the coffee table of a white person it is strongly recommended that you imply they got the book at a Modern Art Museum gift shop and not at an Urban Outfitters. This will make the evening far more enjoyable for everyone concerned.

If you find all of this to simply be too much work and wish to ensure that white people will never speak to you about art again, there is an easy escape. Simply mention your favorite artist is Thomas Kinkade and that you are in negotiations to purchase an original from the store in the mall. This will effectively end any friendship you have with a white person."