Day 16 - Art Market, Outlets, Augusten Burroughs

My mom and I were going to ride our bikes to the art market in Riverside today, but my aunt and grandmother came over to go so we didn’t get a chance to do that today. I went to my dad’s though to get my bike back, and barely spoke to him while I was there. I am still livid with him. I don’t plan speaking to him for a while. But that probably wont work out. Marsha, my mom and I went to the art market, and I was really disappointed. I went once when I was home in March or early April, and it was the second week of the market being open. Then it had a lot of art, and little tents for a bunch of different local galleries. But today it was all food and clothes and regular vendors. There were a couple of cool artists though. There was one I fell in love with. His name was Schallenberg, I think. All his work was really textured and abstract, kind of like a really 3D Pollock.



Afterwards my mom and I went to the outlets to get work clothes. I am not too fond of this people work clothes and I just don’t mix. I don’t have a very feminine style and everything is skirts and blouses and slacks. I hate slacks more than anything. I cant even wear normal jeans. F I can feel fabric flapping around my ankles, even in the slightest, I cant stand it. I have been wearing skinny jeans for far too long to ever go back to normal pants. Also, the people that shop at the outlets are… interesting. You get such a range. While we were in J. Crew everyone was normal, and dressed cute. But then we walk outside and first thing I see is a woman in a huge grey shirt, red, ill fitting sweat pants, and carrying a child haphazardly on one hip and smoking a cigarette. Can we say classy?

Rob met us at Marsha’s house to fix up her internet and then went to dinner at Barbara Jean’s. every time I go there I think, “OK, lets be open about this, maybe I will like it this time.” Nope. I still don’t. The fries are delicious, but I don’t like anything else. The majority of their menu is sea food, and I don’t eat sea food so I am kind of screwed there.

Finally I am getting my iPod to work. It is too small for all of my music, so I have to pick and choose what I want on here. I went through and put everything on it that I would like to listen to driving up and down between Miami and Jacksonville, and it was only about 2,700 songs, which is about a third of my iTunes library. I miss my iPod, and I am excited to have it back.

I am riding my bike to the Fox tomorrow morning for breakfast with my Mom. I may die, for reals. I am so out of shape, which hopefully will change this summer. I haven’t ridden my bike in so long, aside from between my mom’s and dad’s today. And even that was kind of painful. My mom and I watched a bit of Running With Scissors tonight. Earlier we listened to some of an Augusten Burroughs audio book while driving out to St. Augustine and that got me in the mood to watch that movie. I forgot how weird it is, and now I just really want to watch the Royal Tenenbaums. I haven’t seen that in a really long time.

I am falling asleep while typing this and I have to be fairly soon to go to the Fox. Although this is a video from Davey Dance Blog, where he goes to historic locations, picks a song, and dances. The song he used in this video is one of my favorite songs, and it was the finale of the CollegeHumor all nighter this year.

DaveyDanceBlog -64- NYC Union Square from Pheasant Plucker on Vimeo.

I didn't talk to a certain someone at all today. Ugh "/ Going to Miami is bad luck, I swear.

Day 15 - Breakfast, Mom, Errands, TV

This morning Jenn came over and we made muffins. More like she watched me mix them and then burn them. And I burned my finger. St. Marks had their last day of school today, so my mom and I took Liam and Jack to the pool and had lunch. I saw some girls from high school which is always fun. People I care to just never see again. I am ready to get out of Ortega. Everyone is stuck up. I don’t get it. And today just confirmed it. I don’t get some people.

So apparently I give awesome advice when I am drunk. Last night I was talking to a bunch of different people and giving advice, and apparently it was amazing advice. Then this morning I was trying to help Jenn with something and I had no clue what to say. I can only give good advice when drunk. Not good.

This afternoon I went to Sports Authority to get Liam’s baseball coaches end of the season gifts. I took I-295 as usual to get to Blanding, although I was a little excited listening to Ratatat, and I missed my exit. Usually that’s no big deal. However this time I had to go 10 miles out of the way and a 10-minute drive ended up taking a half hour. O barely made it back to Ortega in time for an appointment with Denise. Turn out I didn’t have to be there at all, and I accidently fell asleep in the waiting room. That was awkward to wake up to the receptionist staring at me.

I took a nap this afternoon and had a serried of really weird dreams. The weirdest was a dream where I went skiing with Eddy Ospina. Why?

I saw my grades tonight, and I was really disappointed. I worked harder this semester than I had in past semesters at school. I got all A’s and B’s, but a D in Spanish. I hated Spanish with a passion, and I am not surprised I got a D. My GPA was only lowered a little bit, but it is so frustrating that all of the work I did basically just got erased by one class. Good thing is that I don’t have to deal with Spanish anymore. I wanted to go to the art show at Ocean Club with Jenn tonight but because of my grades I couldn’t go and I feel bad. “/

I have spent the evening watching TV, which is something I never do. Now I am watching Frasier. Odd. I think I am going to sleep in the TV room tonight. I’m cozy. Jenn sleeps on this couch a lot. I’m guessing it’s comfy. I guess I will find out.

This is my favorite song right now.

Day 14 - Nothing

I went to lunch with Daniel today. Got my drug screening. Took pictures with Jenn. Ate dinner at my dads.

Although, this describes my day, perfectly.



On a more important note, I am out of wine.

Day 13 - Jason, Rob, Adventures

The weather has been getting a lot better lately. Today I took full advantage and went to the beach with Jason. Watched him surf for a bit and just walked around. This evening was the Village dance recital. I wanted to go, but I stayed back with Liam instead. They did a piece just for Allison in the beginning, which was apparently really sweet.



I love how when I am typing “Sweet” into Word it auto corrects to Sweet Briar College. Jason saw the Sweet Briar sticker on my car today and wouldn’t stop making fun of the name. Granted, it is a sort of silly name for a school. And it sounds so girly. Sweet Briar. Pfft.

I found out today that I don’t have to go to Miami for another week. I am so excited about that. I still haven’t unpacked from school, and I don’t feel like I have had very much time getting everything together to head down there. I am glad I have more time to sort everything out. Tomorrow I am supposed to get some stuff from Tenet to complete, like a drug screening and what not.

Tonight Rob and I went to sonic, like old times, and then just drove around trying to figure out what to do. In what he said was our greatest adventure in the last 2 years, we drove though Riverside and Avondale and ended up at the park at Stockton. We recoded a video from Sonic that perfectly shows our relationship. Some people act differently when they are being recorded, but sadly enough this is exactly how Rob and I are. He hit me enough today to leave some intense bruises I’m predicting. We will find out in the morning.

Day 12 - Errands, Emma

Today was pretty laid back. I just had a hair appointment and went to the dentist. I usually love going to the dentist, but today it was miserable. The nurse was a tad too rough, and there was too much blood for my liking. After my hair appointment I went to Smoothie King to see Emma before I came home to do laundry. We were just standing in there talking, and this guy came in. He was super tan, orange tan, and had the spiky hair and oddly pouty lips look about him. I couldn’t help but laugh at him. He asked for a large smoothie, and as usual Emma asked if he knew how big that was, and he was like, “Its alright. I can handle it. Bigger is better.” All while still wearing his sunglasses. He was he definition of a douche bag.

This afternoon I hung out with Liam and went to dinner with Emma. Emma hung out here for a few hours tonight and we just sat around and talked. I deleted over 900 people off of my Facebook, and that felt awesome. I really can’t think of anything interesting from my day today to share. Oh well. Tomorrow will be a good day.

Emma and I are mega gay, just FYI.

Day 11 - Shopping, TSI, Kickbacks

Today was lame. Ill just leave it at that. All I did was work clothes shopping, dinner with dad, TSI and Kickbacks. My mom and I talked about my dad being engaged today. That was pretty much the highlight of my day. She told me this afternoon before I went to go have dinner with my dad, because she apparently knew and wanted to give me a heads up. I told her that I have known, and I told her about how I found out about it. I cant tell if she is upset or not about it. I am pissed though because when my grandmother died, she left me a lot of really beautiful jewelry that I was supposed to get when I turned 18. I am 20 now, and I have never seen any of it. Apparently my dad gave Kathleen one of my rings as her engagement ring. Tonight at dinner I told my dad that my mom knows, and we started to talk about it for a bit. My mom had told me about the ring thing, so I asked him if he had bought her a ring. And he said no, that he was still looking. I told him that I know she has a ring, and he fessed up that he gave her one of Nana Helen’s. I made sure he knew that its my ring, and I told him that I am 20 now and I want all of my jewelry back to my by August. It is mine, and I do not want that woman wearing my ring. After diner Jenn and I went to TSI for a cookout then Kickbacks for dessert. Both places were pretty dead though.

There is something that has been bothering me for a while, that I feel like the majority of my friends do. With my core group of friends, we are all addicted to our cell phones. With any of them, we go out to eat and we are texting almost the whole time, and it’s all right. We all have an understanding that we aren’t being rude, and we are still paying attention. With a few people I feel like that has been abused lately. Like out to dinner and I am trying to have a conversation and I am being completely ignored. Also, lately I have felt like a bunch of people I have been spending time with choose to constantly talk about how popular they are. That was an odd sentence to word. So many times lately I have heard “Oh my god so man people just texted me,” “So many people just asked me to hang out today,” “My phone wont stop blowing up,” etc. I feel that is just one of those things that you shouldn’t feel the need to talk about. Maybe that is just me, since most people do that. It makes me feel bad because I don’t have many friends left in Florida, and when ever I am down here I have a small pool of people to spend time with, and hearing about other people’s amazing social lived makes me feel pretty shitty. Give me Virginia, and I am set, but not so much here anymore. I don’t know if I am over reacting, and this is just normal, or if it only applies to my friends. Everyone seems to be doing this lately.

I have been thinking about some things more lately, and these small things are really starting to get on my nerves. Just stupid small things that no one notices, but they are all really huge to me.

I leave for Ft. Lauderdale in a few days, on Sunday. I got some clothes today for work. I have mixed feelings about going still. I will only get a total of 4 weeks in Jacksonville this summer, and I am really not okay with that. I had a rough year at school, and I need down time. I know I am going to enjoy this job and learn a lot; I just don’t want to deal with the stress and the work I have to do for school to get credit for this on top of normal work. I am trying to be positive about it though. I was talking to Colton earlier, and I told him about my job:

Colton Lane: What are u doing after that??
Kate Gorman: living in ft Lauderdale for 2 months
Colton Lane: Damn
Colton Lane: Party
Kate Gorman: haha i wish
Colton Lane: What are u gonna be doing there?
Kate Gorman: working
Colton Lane: Oh yeah? Doing what??
Kate Gorman: marketing for a hospital. its gonna be rough
Colton Lane: That sounds like a grown ass lady job
Kate Gorman: hahaha
Kate Gorman: I like that
Colton Lane: Yeah for real though
Colton Lane: That sounds like a legit job
Kate Gorman: its an internship, so its more of a fake real job
Colton Lane: I am proud of u Kate.
Kate Gorman: Thanks
Colton Lane: I'm for real like none of my friends ever do anything with the lives. But like it seems like u are
Colton Lane: That's cool
Kate Gorman: thanks. Im trying.
Colton Lane: Yeah I realize that may seem a little weird to hear
Colton Lane: But.... I'm kinda wasted so its alright lol

That was nice to hear, except for the last part….

Tomorrow I have random appointments then hopefully hanging out with Emma. I just realized that I have been listening to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack in the background while typing this, without realizing it. Hm…. Changing. Back to my current favorite song, which SURPRISE, brings the livelavalive video I am in love with right now. I love Ghostland Observatory, and I love that he used this song in a video.

Day 10 - Ponte Vedra, Pit, Dollhouse

Today was just hilarious. This morning Jenn, my mom and Liam and I went out to Ponte Vedra and just layed out by the pool. I actually got some sun, unfortunately my arms are burned and my nose is a little red. Nothing too exciting happened while we were there, and pretty much all day Jenn and I were trying to figure out what we were going to do tonight. Hardcore Prom was at the Pit and I did not want to go at all. If I was right about the bands that were going to be playing, I would have seen a lot of people who I never want to see again.

I finally decided to go, and we get there and there were so many people there. It was crazy. And of course since Jenn and I haven’t been going to shows for a while, and it was out at the beach, we knew about two people there at first. We eventually went inside and we saw a bunch of our friends there. Jason lives nearby so he came to hang out, and eventually it got to be more fun. I saw a bunch of people who I never care to see again, and although my stomach flipped a few times, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had expected. The two that I thought would put me in tears were always in my line of vision, and that sucked. One noticed me and tried to get my attention but I just ignored him. I am done dealing with that.

There was some girl who I don’t know that was really nice who had a birthday today. So in celebration of being 18, a bunch of people were taking her to the strip club and Jenn and I ended up going too. It was hilarious. We went to Dollhouse, where Rob and I have always wanted to go. We met a stripper named Renee who was very nice, and very talented. Thanks to Axell for paying for Jenn and I to go.

Tonight I got a call from a friend from school saying that a girl in our year was in a bad accident and she’s not doing too well. So many people have been getting hurt lately I hate it. Keri was in an accident, and it left her with massive internal bleeding and apparently part of her leg had to be amputated. If anyone actually reads this, please pray for her and her family.

Day 9 - Art, TSI

This morning I woke up to my aunt and cousin coming over to wait on UPS. UPS said they would be there between 10 and 11 and nor surprisingly they didn't show. But at like 11:30 there was a knock on the door and surprisingly it was the UPS man. We spent the next few hours hanging art. We got a bunch of original Duaivs and an original Peter Max, which I was basically salivating over. I never thought I would own a Peter Max. He is easily the most famous living artist, and when he dies he is going to be as famous as Warhol. The house looks amazing with all of the new art. There were these terrible pictures of me in the bathroom in a bathing suit from when I was 15 and those got replaced. Thank god. Marsha loaded up her car with a bunch more pieces, some Duaivs and an original copy of a Rembrandt sketch. It's so amazing.

This afternoon all I did was sleep. I got no sleep last night and this morning I was up far too early for my liking. This evening my mom, Liam, Jenn and I all came out to Ponte Vedra to have dinner. My aunt made all of my favorites. It was delicious. Jenn and I left Ponte Vedra and came back to my house and got changed and went out. Justin was having a party at his house and Jarrett told me to go out there. Last time I was at Justin’s was over thanksgiving break. It was easily the nest night of my thanksgiving break. It was just me, Jarrett, Perry, and Justin and some other guy, and they were all so wasted and stoned. Perry was so stoned he was asleep on the couch the whole time I was there and I couldn't wake him up. So tonight there were a few more guys there, including Trevor who I see almost every time I go to the mall. Jenn be I realized that we have never played beer pong together and we fixed that. Last time I was there Jarrett made me play even though I told him that I am easily the worst beer pong player in the world, and he made me play again last night. Right before we played and during my heart started freaking out. My heart has been fine once last summer and having it randomly race like it did tonight really scared me. It was worse than it was last summer, and I could barely breathe. I don't know why that was happening. I barely drink any caffeine now and there was mo reason for it to do that. It was scary.

After we left Justin’s we went to TSI. Jenn ad I were driving around downtown trying to find a parking spot to go to VyStar, and the whole time I was about to pee myself. We finally got to TSI and Jenn was changing her clothes so I peed in the corner of the parking lot. I can't remember the last time I did that, but tonight I was pretty proud of myself for some really odd reason.

Anyways. TSI was fun. We danced and hung out and there weren't very many people there. My heart kept racing the whole night and it was hard to ignore. We were sittng by the pool tables towards the end of the night and this guy asked to play with him. He was so drunk it was hilarious. He didn't understand that you have to put money into the pool table to get the balls out. We finally started to play and that's when the creepy began. While either Jenn or I was playing our turn, he would get behind either of us that were still standing there and rub our backs and just scoot towards us when we moved away. When he talked he got so close our noses touched and I had nowhere to back up. When we were dome playing he asked me "so you want my number or what?" haha ew. Jenn came over and we just laughed at him. We decided to go dance and left him then all of the sudden he was creeping right behind us. It was funny yet creepy.

My heart still has me worried. If it happens again I will have to go back to the hospital. Which is not something I want to do. Obviously.

Tomorrow Jenn and I are going back out to Ponte Vedra to lay out by the pool and have a cook out. I didn't update my Daily Booth today either. I can't slack this early in the summer

Day 8 - UPS, Steamworks, Three Wolf Moon Shirt

When my mom and aunt went on the Disney cruise in March, they bought a bunch of art from one of the auctions. There was an original Peter Max included, which I would kill for. UPS has been being super difficult about getting it all to us, constantly saying that they came and no one was here to sign for it, although they kept coming by when no one is home, and we told them when we would be home and what not. Finally, they said that they would definitely bring it by today. So I had to get u this morning at 8 and sit around all day waiting for them to deliver everything. I couldn’t shower or go back to sleep since I knew that if I did, they would come in those few minutes. So basically I did nothing toady. And did UPS ever come? Of course not. My aunt and Patrick and Granny Franny all came over later and we got dinner and continued to wait for UPS. After a bunch of phone calls, UPS promised that they would deliver the art between 10 and noon tomorrow. And I will be up and waiting for it then.

Tonight Jenn and I went to Steamworks. It was kind of boring and it ended up back firing on us. Jenn saw someone she didn’t want to see, and we left. I don’t really want to get into all of that here though. We are now sitting at my house, eating brownies and watching Twilight.

I made a magical discovery tonight. The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt on Amazon. The comments are completely hilarious. Best one:

"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called meth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark."

Tomorrow I am supposed to go shopping with my mom to get clothes for my internship, but I want to go to the Jazz festival at the Landing. I have never been before. I don’t know, we shall see. All in all today was pretty uneventful, aside from tonight. I am going to go enjoy Twilight and try not to fall asleep. I got a Daily Booth, too. http://dailybooth.com/kgoreee Creep me there too. Hoorah.


Last thing, my scarf I ordered from ModCloth came in, and I am in love with it.

Day 7 - Town Center, Allison

Today was another rough day. It started off pretty good though. Emily and I went to the mall, and lunch at Maginot’s. Seriously, she is the cheapest date ever. Combined, our bill at Maggiano's was $12. Awesome. That was also the only thing I have eaten all day, and its 1 AM and I may pass out. I am making some Texas Toast right now those, and it is most likely burning. The microwave broke today, so all of my left over’s from Kickbacks and Tijuana Flats cant be reheated. I am quite sad about that. My toast is most likely burning right now. Oh well. After Emily and I got back I finally took my commission over to Eileen’s. I was getting frustrated with the whole situation and I just don’t want to get into it here. Although I may not be getting paid for it. FML.

This after noon there was a tree dedication at St. Marks for Allison. Everyone has accepted what happened and they are dealing with it and being exposed to it every day, but I haven’t been home. That was really hard for me to do today. The second I go tout of the car, I saw Jessie Drew. My stomach just fell, I have barely talked to her since Allison died, and I had no idea what to say to her. We talked for a minute, and I ordered the shirt that Faction Habit made for Allison. We were there for a bit, and then I saw Drew for the first time. My heart literally broke. I feel so terrible for her. I have no idea what she is going through. The dedication was so sweet. The third graders at St. Marks chipped in and bought a live oak tree and benches and the whole area behind the office and by the playground is going to be in memory of Allison. They left a hole around the tree, and had the third graders come and put some dirt in. After the third graders, a lot of people went and did it too, and I started to cry when the Haramis’ and Jessie ad Hodson did it. I can’t image what this family is going through. Right after the dedication everything really sunk in. Everyone was happy and everything and I was miserable. I haven’t been around and it never really sunk in until today, seeing Drew and Jessie and the family. They found a beautiful statue that is going to go in the courtyard too, a ballerina to celebrate Allison’s spirit. It is beautiful.



I came home, cried, and then just passed out. I woke up at 11, and now I wont sleep for the rest of the night most likely. I am video chatting with Mikey right now, and about to enjoy my delicious toast. I talked with my mom for a long time tonight about Drew and Allison and about how they are doing. Everything has been really hard for them of course, and I just could not imagine what they are going through. They have been in my thoughts ad prayers since April 17 and they always will be.

Yet again, a Mitchell Davis video totally relates to my life.

Day 6 - Denise, Kickbacks, Rain

Today marked day four of the never ending rain. I checked Weather Channel and it is supposed to rain through the 29th. It was fun at first, but now the roads are basically just huge puddles and I do not appreciate that.

Last night I went to sleep with my window open, listening to the rain. I was out so fast, and I loved it. I woke up this morning at 8, to the rain, and my stomach was eating itself. So finally around 9:30 Jenn and I met for breakfast. I came home, got back in bed, and started to read, although I fell asleep again and didn’t wake up until about 3. Liam has been having trouble lately with school and our dad and whatnot, so he went to Denise today just to talk. I don’t really want to get into all of that here, but it was helpful. Afterwards we went to the Brick for dinner, and then I came home and went right out to dinner number 2 with Rob to Sake House. I have been spending more time with him lately and I am glad about that. It is far more frequent than other times I have been home. He gave me my birthday presents tonight, which I love. He got be an awesome flannel, which is light enough to wear in the summer, and a photo hanging thing, which he said is to only have pictures of him. Selfish Rob. Haha. The best thing by far was a new Book. Senior year we had little notebooks that we would write in and throw to each other during class, and in our lockers and for some reason we thought it was the best thing ever. So now we have a new book, and I cant wait to get started with that again.


Book and shirt.

Tonight also marked night 3 of going to Kickbacks. This time we actually ate, and I had some amazing potatoes and pasta, and Jenn said that her omelet was the best thing she had ever eaten. So I think that is a winner on the food aspect, along with social. Hoorah! In the back of their menu they have the “Vintage” section, which has things like Ramen noodles, Spaghetti-O’s, Hamburger Helper, Fluffernutter sandwiches, and a bunch more. That’s adorable ad hilarious. Even better, they have the Hamburger Helper du jour. I didn’t really do much today but it was relaxing. Tomorrow I have to get my camera fixed, since as of today it no longer opens. And I am taking Emily to the mall. In the rain. FML.

I am going to go to bed, reading with the window open yet again. This morning Jenn had big news, and she said her whole story, I commented, then presented my big news: "I slept with my window open last night." FAIL.

Last thing, Rob and I were Facebooking back and forth today with Texts From Last Night, and I accidentally posted one as my status that made me look terrible. Immediately I got texts and status comments from some creepers. It was an awesome five minutes until I realized that facebook and I were obviously not getting along. Then I cleared it but forget to delete it from my news feed, so it was still there. It was hilarious, but not the best as a status.

Facebooked TFLN:
(931): Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.

FAIL
Also, I am still going back and watching a lot of Mitchell Davis' videos. I love this one so much.

Day 5 - Regency, Cheesecake, Lame

Today was just pretty laid back. Woke up and went to with Jenn to the mall. Came back home and actually unpacked, then went to dinner with Jenn and Adam then to Kickbacks and saw Lee and Mike and Mira. That is pretty much all that I have to saw about today. Lame, right?

All the mall, Regency, Jenn realized that they closed down the Walden Books that was there. Although she just said, “I can’t believe they took out the book store. Although the people at this mall probably can’t read.” Which is so true. We had a good day today. We were together for over 24 hours straight, aside from the 4 hours where she was at work.

Liam and my mom and I have been playing board games a lot recently. Like tight we got Tijuana Flats take out for dinner, and played Apples to Apples while we ate. After dinner we played Life and read the Westing Game. I think Liam is getting into it. Although I think I am just going to go and steal it out of his room tonight and read it for a while. I can’t stand only reading a couple chapters a day. Its crazy. I love this book too much to be patient. But then again, when am I ever patient?

Tomorrow Liam goes to my dad’s house. I am afraid that my dad will tell Liam then about Kathleen. I have decided that as much as I want to tell my mom, she has to hear it from my dad first. I shouldn’t be the one to tell her. Since my parents have gotten divorced, I have been the one to relay news and questions, and I am sick of it. And it isn't right to make me do that, especially in this situation. So I guess I will just find out tomorrow what will happen. That is, if Liam even goes over there. He pitches a fit usually because he hates going over there so much. He is just bored and it’s hard for him to be there and just watch TV. Tomorrow I also have to go and take the prints over to Eileen’s. The better of the two prints has little blue dots around the hem of the dress, so I have to tackle that in the morning. As usual, I have been hoarding things for my little memory book but I have yet to put anything in, and I also have all the candy wrappers ready for my next print. Although I have been too lazy to get it started. I mean I can just do the background here. I have to wait to do the actual print part until I get back to school since I need a press. I really want to get some berens and burens and blocks and just print straight from my room, just little things that don’t need a press. Although my mother would probably freak out since I will most likely get ink all over the carpeting.

As usual, my contact is about to fall out of my eyeball so I am just going to steal Liam’s book and get to sleep. Oh and today Jenn and I realized that when we laugh, we sound like Beavis and Butthead. Not attractive.

Day 4 - Accident, Kickbacks, MC

Today was another ridiculous day. Seriously, if my days continue to be an random as the last few days, I am in for one hell of a summer. This morning began with my phone interview with a man from my internship in Miami. We talked a bit about what I will be doing this summer and whatnot. Then I worked up the nerve to IM Jenn, although I promptly fell back asleep 2 minutes later. Awesome. Around 1 Emily Risdon called and I went and picked her up at St. Marks and we got lunch and I helped her study for her exams tomorrow. We hung out for a bit, and then decided to go to Target, because that’s how we roll.

On the way back from Target, Emily and I were in the car, in the turn lane on Roosevelt getting ready t turn left onto Longbow. There was a car in front of us and one other coming in the opposite direction. The light was green, and the car in front of us had plenty of time to turn, although he just wouldn’t go. When the car coming in the opposite direction was getting ready to pass through the intersection he went, and they smashed together. I felt like he timed it just so they would collide. Immediately Emily and I got out in the rain and called 911. The man who stupidly drove into the intersection was really old, and is car was wedged between two electric poles, making the stoplights go out. The woman who he hit has 3 children in the car, and the eldest girl in the front seat was hurt. We waited around for the police and rescue to come, and then we had to stay and talk to them for a while. I think every one was okay, but it was still scary.



Later on I just spent time with my mom and Liam, we played Life and read the Westing game, which is one of my favorite books ever. Liam doesn’t seem to be too enthused, but I am trying to get him excited about it.

Jenn and I hung out all night, which I am excited about. The endless stomachache is over. Hoorah! First we went to Starbucks in Five Points and I spilled scalding hot tea all over myself, and almost died. Well, I would have lived, but I almost cried. MC came over from where he works at the Sushi Café and hi boss eventually came over too. We took MacBook pictures, and MC acted like it was Christmas morning. He was elated.



From there, we went to Kickbacks, thinking it would just be a stop before heading to Shanty Town, but we ended up being there until after 2. We met a bunch of nice guys and hung out with them. It turned out to be an awesome night. I am exhausted now, and Jenn is sleeping over so I am just going to leave this as the worst post ever.

Day 3 - PVB, Rob, Jason, Emma

I am going to refer to today as "The Day of the Massive Stomach Ache." All day I was thinking about last night and everything that happened, and feeling terrible. I did not talk to Jenn at all, even though I wanted to text her so bad. I feel like that would just make things worse.

This morning I woke up to my Mom making me pancakes, which was wonderful. We went out to Ponte Vedra with Liam for the day, and met up with my grandmother and my cousin Patrick at my aunt's house. We pretty much just sat around and talked, and I had a really long talk with Granny Franny about Sweet Briar. I have decided (more like accepted) that I am miserable there. I realized today when I was talking to Granny about it, that it is a good fit academically, just not socially. I am not going to transfer, but I have been thinking a lot more about graduate school. Working at the hospital this summer will be good, because if it turns out to be something I enjoy, it would be a field I could easily go into right out of school. I want/need to get an MBA, although I will get my Masters and Doctorate in Art History before I am 50. That is my ultimate goal in life. How cool would it be to have a doctorate in Contemporary Art? That is what I would love to do. I love my grandmother so much, and talking to her makes me realize things and sort my thoughts.

We went to the Town Center for lunch and shopping. At Barnes and Noble I got my favorite magazines ever, as well as a new one called FOUND that I uh.... found. I haven’t really looked at it yet but it looks pretty cool. I will be up all night tonight reading that, Artforum, and Art on Paper.

For my birthday my mom got me a gift card to get a new iPhone since mine is a piece of crap and falling apart. Although when I went in my friends there told me to wait a while before I get a new one since there may be a new phone coming out this summer. So me and my good friend Cherry Darling will be sticking together for a bit longer. I guess that’s good, because I still hadn’t thought of a new name for my new phone. My phone now is Cherry Darling (Planet Terror), my Kindle is Dr. Dakota Block (also Planet Terror) and my iPod is Frankenstein. So I will think about that for a while.

I spent some time with Rob tonight, and it was different than it has been for a while. I think a lot about my senior year and how Rob and I spent every moment together, and I really miss that. And tonight it didn't feel forced like it does sometimes. We about peed ourselves when lightning hit right by his house right before we were going to go to the Loop for dinner. (I just realized I left my cup in my car and I am really thirsty....) I got my food and as always, the first thing he did was take a huge bite out of one of my chicken fingers. Although this time it scalded his mouth and the chicken along with a line of slobber fell from his mouth. Just as it happened a women walked in the door and watched the whole thing happen. She just shook her head and laughed, which made the whole situation about a thousand times funnier. After dinner our first thought was "Krispy Kreme," of course. We then discovered the hot sign is on until 10 now, which was thrilling.

After I left Rob's I went to the beach and hung out with Jason for a little bit. It was rainy and gross and the only thing we could figure out to do was to walk on the beach for a while. I felt bad because he has a broken toe and the sand was wet and hard to walk on, but he was a good sport about it. I wasn’t out there very long, and I was driving back home I realized that I hadn’t seen Emma yet, so I called her and met her at the Casbah with two of her friends. That sentence was unnecessarily long. I was there with her for about an hour and I think I am going to do something with her tomorrow.

In the last few days, I have realized something really odd about myself. I guess I realized it a long time ago, but it has been confirmed. I am an observer. In any given situation, I would much rather observe than partake. Like the other night at TSI, I would rather people watch than dance or socialize. I think this is the main thing that makes me so socially awkward. I am fine with that though. It may be part of my creative and artsy side that makes me do it, because I like to image these people’s lives and what they will do when they go home. I wish I could be invisible. I would go out so much and just watch people, never partaking in any of the activities, just observe. I don’t feel like this is creepy in the least bit, because I am not staring and watching, just observing and noting things. Alright that is even creepier.

Overall I had a decent day, but I had this nagging stomach ache all day, thinking about last night. No matter what I was doing, or how hard I was laughing at Rob in pain, I could not get last night out of my head. I have to fix this. I have a phone conference tomorrow morning at 9:30 (I feel so grown up) so I am going to get to sleep. No plans other than that tomorrow for the most part.

Day 2 - TSI

Tonight was probably the worst night ever. I was the worst friend I could possibly be. My night began by taking a nice, long nap. How can you go wrong there? Then I picked up Jenn and she and I went to pick up my cousin Patrick from the airport. On the way back from the airport, we made plans to go to Rob’s party for a bit then to TSI. So I took Patrick to my house, and got ready to go to TSI. Once we were at TSI I was not in the best mood. Bad music, not many people, and it was just a weird night. I have no clue what made me so angry, but I majorly took it out on Jenn. The whole night she was trying to get me to cheer up but I wouldn’t. Her friends Adam and Clayto from Thursday night were there and we hung out with them for a bit. Adam and I talked, mainly about Jenn when she wasn’t around. Before we left he asked for my number, and about a thousand things went through my head. I know his intentions were pure, but it came off really badly. I tried to protest but I failed miserably I gave in, and gave him my number. My thought was that he wanted to talk about something we had been talking about off an on all night.

Long story short, Jenn and I got into a big fight. I acted so selfishly and stupidly and I obviously made the wrong choice not only in this situation, but in the whole night. I was ride to her all night when she did nothing at all to deserve it. I messed up so badly I cannot think of how to fix this situation. Some things were said tonight that hurt me worse than I thought imaginable, but I deserved it all. I don’t know what to do.

On a lighter, less tressful note, I took Liam to see Monsters vs Aliens today. It was cute . I was not too excited about seeing it, but there was this one part that I was cracking up in. I don;t know why, but I usually find things to be humorous, but I am always keeping it to myself, or not laughing. No idea why. I am weird. This part had be cracking up for a solid minute. The clip is most likely going to removed since the person filmed it in the theater, but I will try. I may not be as humorous out of context, but still.

After that I came home and pretty much just had a long talk with my mom. I tried to get it out about my dad and Kathleen, but I couldn't do it. I then had to go drop off Liam at my dad's, and there was this guy there who was helping him move tiles. He was only a few years older than me, but he was hitting on me in front of my dad, and even better, my dad did nothing to stop it. Ugh.

I have spent hours today watching all of livelavalive' videos. I feel like I am have a really unhealthy relationship with YouTube. I spend at least an hour every day, usually when I am trying to go t bed at night, watching videos. A good amount of time is spent watching my 90-some-odd subscriptions, then Stumbling to get more or just browsing the featured videos. that is how I found livelavalive. He is hilarious. I have watched this video multiple times today and I love it. I just need to figure out who to send it to.... Oh. You!

That is all for today. I am thankful to end this day. Goodness. I want to talk to Jenn so badly but I know if I try to will pester her and make things worse. I am the worst friend ever.

Day 1 - Pearl, TSI, Dad

I feel like this summer is going to be.... interesting. This is going to sound really pathetic, but I have been following Charles Trippy, Shay Carl, and Phillip DeFranco while they have been doing their daily video blogs. I was just watching Shay's from yesterday and I was thinking, "It's nice that he has this to look back on one day." I used to blog, doing the lame 9th grade LiveJournal thing, and recently I went back and read it. It was absolutely hilarious, and it made me feel like a complete loser. Although it was nice to go back through and read what my life was like then.

Today was my first full day of summer. I just completed by sophomore year of college, and my life is going through some changes. I feel like this summer will be stressful and different, and I want to remember it later on.

Last night, which was technically Day 1, but I was only in Jacksonville for a few hours, I think laid out how my summer is going to go. I got back into Jacksonville at about 6:00. It was raining, of course. My mom met me half way between here and Virginia in Columbia and we stayed the night there and went shopping yesterday before coming back down here. So I get home and unpack my car with the majority of my stuff. My mom gets home and she gets a call from one of our old neighbors, Mrs. Hager. Apparently the Hagers have been staking out my dad's house for some time. (They live down the road, and they have a perfect view of dad's house from their house) Mrs. Hager told my mom that, apparently, my dad's girlfriend Kathleen had been living there for a while. My mom was curious, so she sent me over there to check it out. I have always acted as the Middle Man between my parents since they got divorced. Its always "Will you tell your mother that..." "Take this over to your fathers...." I am getting sick of it. Although last night I was quite curious.

I got over there and Kathleen's car was in the driveway. I knocked, and Lilly started barking so I just went on it. I was greeted with the scene of my childhood playroom ripped to shreds. There was no carpet, no furniture; the walls were about a thousand different colors. Awesome Dad, thanks for telling me about this. When I pulled up I had a hint that something was up, because one of my favorite chairs was outside in the rain by the trash. I was not too pleased. Anyways, so Lilly is barking and can hear Kathleen yelling to see who was at the door. I yelled "Me!" thinking, for some reason, she would know. Of course not. I have met the woman twice. She was even sort of confused when she saw me. I was like, "Its Kate..." And I realized she was wearing a shirt of mine. Awesome. Turns out she was on the phone with my dad, who was in Baldwin, driving back from a meeting out of town and that he was going to be home in about 20 minutes. She gave me her phone to talk to him for a bit, and then she left the room. I was sitting at the bar and talking on her phone, and I was just looking around the room.

Then it caught my eye. A greeting card, displayed proudly on the bar. It was a simple and white, with the image of a man picking up and swinging a woman in a circle. The text read, "You're engaged!" Not wanting to touch it, viewing it as some heinous object, I peered around to read the inside. "Steve and Kathleen, Congratulations on your engagement! We are so happy for both of you! Love, Janette and Buzz." My stomach fell. I was still on the phone with my dad but his voice was distant and I wasn't paying attention anymore. Tears welled up in my eyes, and just then Kathleen came back. I sucked it up and tried not to think about it. I gave her the phone back, and she sat down to talk until my dad would come home. We started to talk about the family room, and "their" future plans for it. The card was still in my line of vision and I couldn't help but think about it. The tears came back, and she interpreted it as me being upset about the family room. I tried to tell her it wasn't, but I realized I had to ask. I pointed to the card as I really started to cry, and she just grabbed it and said, "Oh shit." Impulsively I looked at her ring finger and was glad to see that there was nothing there. She went on to explain that he wanted to tell me, and that was why he wanted to see me so badly when I was last in town about a month ago. She said that in September he took her up to Wisconsin to meet his family. I remember him taking that trip. He never mentioned that she was there or even why he went. She told me that he was always upset with him because towards me, he would pretend like she didn’t exist. We talked for a while about things, and I was almost bawling. I hate this. I have met her now three times. They have apparently been dating for five years this November. Which means that they met right after my parents separated.

To understand why this bothers me so much, I guess background on my dad is needed. Towards my mom and I, he has never been affectionate. Obviously in different ways. He has never been one to express emotions, or to make a commitment. So I was completely shocked that he is engaged. I don’t know how this is going to work out. I feel like it is going to be one of those things where they get engaged but never actually get married. I hope. I do not want a step mom. Even though I am 20 and I will never spend any time with her, I don’t want that for my brother. He absolutely hates going over to my dad’s, and this would just make it worse. Although according to my parent’s divorce settlement, if there is any communal living the children are not required to spend time with the other parent. So if she moves in, Liam doesn’t have to go over there anymore. He will be thrilled about hat though.

She says that once they get married (if) they wont even live together. What the hell? Basically what happened is that her lease on her house was up, and she was going to move away to be with her grand kids (GRAND. KIDS.). She told my dad, he freaked, and asked her to marry him so that she wouldn’t leave. I feel like that was just him being selfish. I know my dad, because unfortunately I took after him in asshole behavior traits. He does love her, but that does not trump his feelings about commitment and emotions and whatnot. I feel like he asked her to marry him so that she wouldn’t leave him. I guess it is good that he has someone there for him, with his health and Liam hating being over there, it’s a good positive, but I don’t feel like his motives were correct. Anyways, she got another house since she had to move out, so she has somewhere she is required t live, basically, for the next 2 years. And my dad sure as hell is not moving. So they wont live together? I don’t know. That’s just weird. But that is my dad for you.

So my dad came home just as I was getting ready to leave. I was not up for having the same conversation with him, and I really had to get home because I was supposed to go out. He walked in, and I was avoiding eye contact. I don’t remember if Kathleen said something, or if I did, but when he found out I knew he was angry. He started yelling at me, trying to make me feel bad for not seeing him when I was last home, and for never returning his calls. So it is my fault that he hid it from me? I didn’t see him when I was last here because usually we just go out to dinner and sit around awkwardly while I am left to feel like he is only there because he has to spend time with me. I don’t want to be there either though. So on my last trip home I avoided that.

Before I left I asked him when he was going to tell Liam and my mom. He said he would tell Liam this weekend, since now I know. And he was going to let telling my mom up to me. That pissed me off. I told him that no way in hell would I be the one to tell her and that HE had to do it. Needless to say, he was not thrilled. I left then to go home and eat dinner and get ready to go out. I had to put on a happy face and tell my mom that Kathleen was not living there and she was just watching Lilly, which was the truth. I had to sit and have a happy dinner with her and Liam, and pretend like nothing was wrong.

Anyways, later Jenn and I went out. It was kind of awkward at first, and I was in a bad mood and I felt bad that I made Jenn miss something she wanted to do since I was running late due to the hour I was at my dad’s house. We got past that and had dinner at Sushi Café where MC made Jenn some awesome sushi. After that we went to her friend Adam’s house and I drank alone before we went to the Pearl. We got to the Pearl and Adam was in the longest line ever to get in. So we went in the back and Adam was too impatient and left. Last night the Pearl was interesting. There was a weird mix of people. Although Jaclynn was there and I was finally able to say some things to her I have wanted to tell her for a very long time. I feel better now. This guy I met at TSI at the Black and White ball was there too, but of course I didn’t have the nerve to go and talk to him. We left early and went to TSI to hang out with Adam and Clayto for a bit. They were both very drunk and the place was empty. Jenn and I absolutely wowed them with our dancing skills on the stage. More like we pretended to be ballerinas and they pretended were too drunk to pay attention. Jenn and I left and enjoyed some 4 AM Wa-Ho where this were some hilarious people. As we were leaving we were stopped by this guy who asked us if we sang for the B-52s, and I said that I used to but I haven’t lately. Funny thing is that I saw the same guy, in black bike shorts and a camo jacket riding a bike through my neighborhood today. Odd.

Today, which I am going to call Day 1, was lazy as anything. Laid around all day, then I went to help my dad buy tile. Hoorah. We really didn’t talk about Kathleen or anything and it was awkward. When I got home from doing that my mom was in a funny mood. I still don’t know why. We went to dinner with the Whelans, and in the middle of dinner Mrs. Hager called my mo and they talked for a minute, and my mom was saying things like “No I’m fine” and whatnot. I tried to get her to tell me what was going on, but she wouldn’t say.

So now I have a predicament. Do I tell my mom or not? I feel like it is not my place to tell her, yet again she may get her feelings hurt if she finds out that I knew and I was hiding it from her. I know she won’t be upset that he is getting married; at least I don’t think so. I feel like the part that will hurt is that my asshole of a father found someone before she did. My mother is an amazing and beautiful woman, and is somehow single. I feel bad because she kind of dated this one guy a few years ago, but I was uncomfortable with it and told her she could do better, and she broke it off with him. I feel that my selfish, dad-like intentions in that situation kind of screwed her over. And I feel really guilty about that. Hopefully tomorrow I will figure out what to do: tell her or not to tell her?

I am going to try extra hard to be nicer to Liam this summer. I asked him to go see a movie with me tomorrow, and we are going to see Monsters and Aliens. Also he is glad about this because it is less time that he has to spend at my dad’s house. Liam has been having a hard time lately, and acting out, and my mom really does not need this. I am going to try to help with straightening him out a bit. I am trying, but who knows how that will work out.

Tomorrow Liam has a baseball game in the morning and my dad may be there, and if so, that will be awkward. I am hoping he doesn’t show.

Day 1 of summer has been odd so far. We will see how this pans out. Right now, however, I am going to get something to eat with Jarrett. I was planning on going to Steamworks tonight but I guess I am not going. This was really long, I hope every day isn't like this.