I'm on drugs.

Right now I have antibiotics, pain killers, and adderall in my system. And I just had intense deja vu. I didn't realize how wired I am until Allison asked "Did you take another adderall because you are on the most intense mission I have ever seen." Yes. Yes I had.

I have about 2.3 seconds to post this since I am in the middle of working on a presentation that I have to give tomorrow. I am sitting in what I have come to view as my "blogging" table in the basement of my building, where some of my longer, weirder posts have been written.

Anyways. The health center did not know if I had mono or strep, so they decided to treat me for strep even though the antibiotics would have had a bad reaction if I have mono. So far, so good. On Monday I was in so much pain in my glands that I could not lift my head or talk. I went to work, and my teacher and boss basically kicked me out of the building and told me to leave work and not to come to class since I was a wreck. I went back to my room and slept until art instead. And then I only lasted a few minutes before I went to the health center. While I was there they tested me for both mono and strep, but I tested negative for both since they were the quick 5 minute tests that are always wrong. She started to tell me that since I was negative for everything she couldn't give me any medicine and I broke down. I spent from Saturday to then in the most pain I have ever been in. I wasnt eating or talking and barely sleeping since moving my head at all hurt. The only way it was bearable was to tuck my chin into my left collar bone. And walking around like that doesn't really work out.

So I started to cry, which only inflamed my throat even more, putting me in more pain. She gave me a prescription for some pain killers and antibiotics and this weird mouthwash and sent me on my way. After a long debacle at CVS over insurance and what not, I was blessed with my drugs. I took the pills and used the mouth wash, which is the most ridiculous thing I have even experienced. In the parking lot I gargled it for a minute, and my lips, cheeks, tongue, and entire throat went completely numb. It was magical.

So now it is Wednesday. Gave my presentation this morning. Had my final critique with John this afternoon. Working on my arts management presentation now.

Going home Wednesday. I am thrilled.

Stolen from Matthew Hasting's tumblr.

Ughhhh... Again

I think I have strep now. Really? REALLY?!?!

Things I haven't thought about in a while.

For pretty much the entire time I have owned an iPhone, a detail of Heironomus Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights as my background. Jerri and I talked about it today while we were driving back form Panera. I forgot about how much I love this painting.



It's one of those things that you notice something new every time you look at it. Being me, my favorite panel is the Hell panel. Its crazy.

Then when we got back I pulled up a photo of it for Jerri to see, and Allison said that she has been to the Prado to see it. Allison and I keep finding random things that we have in common, and just now we discovered our common love of Goya's Black Paintings. Most people hate them, because they are so messed up. I think what makes them so amazing is that he was delirious with syphilis when he painted them. They are so dark and messed up. Saturn Devouring his Son is haunting. That's all I can say about it.



I am no longer hungover, but I just have the worst cold ever. I can't hear anything and I can't stop sneezing. Ughhhhh. I have so much to do this week, and I am terrified about it all. I have a proposal due to Loftus Monday, Art History presentation Monday, Ancient Greece paper due Tuesday, ARMG presentation Tuesday, another ARMG presentation Thursday, LCP paper due Friday. Then all my art projects have to be finished by Wednesday. Im fucked. F'realz.

Ughhh

I have never been this hung over. Someone kill me.

Sent from my iPhone

Art today was interesting, to say the least

Today in art two interesting things occurred. One, I realized that I can be categorized as a Dadaist, which I am not fond of. I hate Dada, I have never been interested in it or inspired by it, but all of the work I have done this semester has a very Dadaist element to it. Take today, for example, the panel I am working on is the one which suffered my hissy fit. It is brown with bits of red. Brown. Sign one of Dada. Then over the break I was trying to think of a compelling image to transfer onto the panel, and I decided on a train. Train. Machinery. Sign two of Dada. All of my work this semester has had the same color scheme of brown, red, black and white. Everything has machinery or metal incorporated into it. I hate Dada. But I have accidentally created a number of Dadaist pieces. Although, this piece by Hannah Hoch from 1919 is mind blowing.



Second: I had a odd heart to heart with John about my future. I can't remember exactly how this got started. I was sitting there, working on my train, when he came over to watch me work as usual. I think Ashley said something about being stressed with exam time, and I said, "I just want to be out of school for good." I still have Riverside and a year off on my mind, and that is all I want right now. John replied with, "Don;t say that. The second you are done with school you will want nothing more than to be back." Yeah, right.

I told him that when I leave I have years and years of schooling left. MBA, Masters in Art History, then eventually my doctorate in Contemporary Art. That's alot. I told him I don;t want to go to grad school, because right now in my mind grad school is getting my MBA, while working at Tenet. In recent months I have been excited about working at Tenet after graduation, going back to Jessica and Denise and Carrie and Craig. I really miss them all. But the second that I realized that I want nothing more than to take a year off after graduation and live in Riverside, I have come to view working at Tenet like selling my soul. I told all this to John, and he said that grad school was the best times he ever had. I pointed out that he went to art school, so that hardly counts. He thinks its ridiculous that my parents would never go for sending me to grad school for art. I would be deliriously happy, but there is no future in that. I don't want to teach; god no.

John asked me what will make me happy, and what I want to do with my life. I told him about Tenet, and his response to hearing the words "marketing for a hospital management company" was simply "eeew." I want to work in a museum. I want to curate at MoMA. I want to own a little gallery in Brooklyn. I want to live in a little apartment in Brooklyn, possibly walking to work at the Brooklyn Museum every day (and seeing Matthew Barney drinking coffee on a corner while on the way there wouldn't hurt). I want be around art for the rest of my life.

I know that working for Tenet is the wise choice, but it will not make me happy. I enjoy working there, but I am not passionate about it. Ever since I made this plan I have told myself that I will just work there for 5 to 7 years, get my MBA while there, save up the money I made so that I can afford to move and take risks. Careers in the arts pay nothing, but I am perfectly okay with that.

This blog has turned into an odd thing. It is more so a train of thought than anything. Over the summer it was simply "I did this then I went here and then did this" simply so that I could remember. Over Thanksgiving break I hated writing and updating it, but I like being able to read back on what I do while home. While at school posts like that would be boring. "Today I woke up. Ate breakfast. Went to art. Had an LCP meeting. Went to Ancient Greece. Went to Leadership. Took a nap. Ate dinner. Did my homework. Went to some meetings. The End."

That's horribly boring. I think this blog is going to change, and I am excited about it.

R.I.P. Hipster Runoff

Today, or actually the other day, marks the end of an era. Carles is officially retired from Hipster Runoff. The blog that I have obsessively read and lived by for years is over. Mike is the new editor and blogger for HRO, but he is just not the same. It lacks Carles' wit and outlook on life. I have already unsubscribed from the mailing list. Mike does not impress me. What will be the new Hipster Runoff? I am disappointed.

My favorite HRO post of all time, "Feeling both hornie and conceptual" makes me laugh every time I read it. I love when Carles has posts like this, that have nothing to do with music, fashion, altbros and altthings.

"I am in a weird mood this weekend. I feel like seeing some avant garde art/music/performances, but at the same time, I feel like doing something that objectifies women, like going to a strip club or something.

Part of me really wants to discover a new underground buzzband that is more authentic than Animal Collective/Karen O
but another part of me just wants to see some alternative titties.

Part of me wants to go to a meaningful art space and enjoy a night where people challenge reality
but the other part of me feels like ‘artists are bullshit people who want attention’, similar to tweens on youtube.

Part of me wants to see Tom Morello with a bunch of sweet Effectz Pedals,
but a bigger part of me wants to see a woman on all-fours without a shirt on with sweet pedals.

Part of me wants huge titties in my face
but another part of me wants lil authentic titties in my face.

Part of me wants to experience the night sober
but another part of me wants to ‘get mad fucked up.’

Part of me wants to ‘get drunk’ off miscellaneous beverages
but another part of me wants to detox with Rice Dream/ Silk / Soy Milk.

Part of me wants to see MGMT this weekend
but part of me wants to just see this broad this weekend, then send her a friend request 2 her weirdo myspace.

I am not sure which part of me will win. I am not sure who I am any more. I am not sure why I do anything any more.

What r u doing this weekend?

I feel like I need 2 get back 2 my roots, and search for the perfect alternative breasts
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/perfect-alternative-breasts"

Sunday, November 29 - I want to live in Riverside

Back at Sweet Briar. Not stoked, as usual.

The other night while I was hanging out at John's with Emma, I realized how badly I want to live in Riverside. John lives in a little garage apartment, two rooms, small kitchen, but it is perfect. As I was leaving, I was walking down the stairs and a bunch of people my age walked out of the lower apartment and walked down the street. I want that. I want to live in a little apartment in Riverside. I want to work and have fun. Not worrying about the real world or school or anything. Working at the Cummer or JMOCA, hanging out at night. Walking to Kickbacks and 5 Points. That sounds absolutely perfect to me. I don't want to go straight to grad school and Tenet right after school. I want to live. I feel like I don't do anything. There is nothing to do in Virginia. When I am in Florida I am still living with my mom. So I have barely had the chance to make poor choices or truly live. I am reading the book "One Fifth Avenue," about all of the residents in New York's most coveted address. I realized that's how College Street is with people like me and my age. Those of us that loiter around Riverside after hours. College Street, between Cherry and Margaret, is amazing. That's all there is to it. Every time I am home, and visiting Colton or any of friends that live over there, it hit me like a stack of bricks. Its a really weird longing. In my mind, living there equals LIVING, and that's all there is to it.

I'm sure this post makes no sense and it is horribly repetitive, but, the point is:

I want to live in Riverside.